Personal Growth

6 Steps to Finding Your Soulmate

6 Steps to Finding Your Soulmate
Many years ago I wrote the book Hot Chocolate for the Mystical Lover: 101 True Stories of Soul Mates Brought Together by Divine Intervention. Through the course of writing that book, I discovered some of the many ways soulmates ï¬nd each other. It’s pretty empowering to realize that even the most mystical, magical encounters required the soon-to-be lovers to take action—to deliberately put themselves in the “right place at the right time.”

Here are some of the things they did that really worked:

1.They set an intention and followed it up with action.

After you’ve made your list of desired qualities and set the intention to ï¬nd your perfect life partner, it’s important that you be on the lookout for clues and prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically when fate calls you to action. This was the winning formula that my friend Sean Roach, a successful CEO and speaker, used to ï¬nd his soulmate.

At thirty-six, Sean was beginning to wonder if he’d ever ï¬nd the right woman to settle down and start a family with. He traveled at least twice a week for work and had doubts that he’d be able to meet someone, given that he was hardly ever at home and spent only a day or two in each city. I shared with Sean some of the principles I explore in my book The Soulmate Secret, and although he had to admit he was not a ï¬rm believer in this “tree hugging stuff” (as he fondly referred to it), he decided to give it a try. He set an intention to ï¬nd his perfect match, created a Treasure Map ï¬lled with images of happy couples lying in the sand and hanging out in the backyard by a ï¬repit, and chose one image in particular—that of a man with a kid on his shoulders—to put on his iPod and cell phone where he could look at it daily.

One afternoon Sean was on a flight to Orlando to give a speech. Although he usually spent the whole flight working or catching up on e-mails, this time he happened to notice the flight attendant, Pia, who served him a glass of red wine. After a quick twenty-four-hour stay in Orlando, Sean boarded the plane back to the West Coast, only to discover that the same crew was working on his return flight. About an hour into the ride, Sean overheard a passenger speaking rudely to one of the attendants and was moved to take action. As he came to the flight attendant’s defense, he found himself looking once again into Pia’s eyes.

Noticing the spark, one of the other flight attendants said, “Sean should get an award for intervening like that, and I think his reward should be Pia’s number!” Sean did take down Pia’s number and called her a week later. From the ï¬rst dinner they shared, they felt as though they had known each other for years.

2. They reunited with childhood or high-school sweethearts.

How many times have you had the thought, I wonder what ever happened to so-and-so? Many people ï¬nd their true love by attending a reunion or as a result of hearing about a long-lost friend and then making the ï¬rst move to reconnect. I recently read a story about a couple named Charlie and Carlyn Baily, both in their sixties, who married after ï¬nding each other on—forty-three years after graduating from high school.

“It’s still hard to believe,” Carlyn said. “If this had been even ten years ago—no, no computers—it would have been literally pure accident to make contact.”

The fact is, today’s technology makes this kind of reconnection easier than ever. Sometimes reuniting with a past flame can spark business ideas as well. Consider the story of Jeff Tinley, who met his wife at their ten-year reunion and was so inspired by their reconnection that he founded!

3. Some people (myself included) had dreams or premonitions that provided clues about how or where or when to ï¬nd their soulmates, and they acted upon those clues.

One morning ï¬ve years ago, Englishman David Brown woke up with a cell-phone number running through his mind. Brown had no idea where the number came from, but he sent a text message to it anyway, hoping to solve the mystery. He reached Michelle Kitson, who lived sixty miles away. She had no explanation as to why her number would be running through his head, but after several messages back and forth, they ended up meeting and falling in love. David and Michelle were recently married and have just returned from their honeymoon in India.

True stories like this are a clear reminder to listen to our dreams, trust our intuition, and have faith that the Universe is even now sending us signs that will lead us to love.

4. Many had a “gut feeling” that they should go to speciï¬c places and made the choice to honor their intuition, even if they had other plans.

One woman, who was actually feeling quite depressed, had an impulse to go to an aquarium ... someplace she had never been before and had no real desire to visit. But she went, and there she met the dolphin trainer with whom she fell in love. They are now happily married and living in Hawaii.

Another woman received a last-minute invitation to a party. She really didn’t feel like socializing that night, but something inside her urged her to go. She met her husband at that party. More than a few were ï¬xed up on blind dates by friends, and while they had never thought of themselves as the “blind date” type, they followed through anyway, only to discover that Cupid had struck.

5. They took action, joined an online dating ser vice, and met their beloveds.

I have more than one friend who met their husbands through an online dating service. In fact, I recently read an article that estimated 80 percent of the population will have an online virtual identity by the year 2011. And just in case you’re thinking that a lack of Internet savvy will prevent you from taking advantage of the latest social-networking technology, think again! My eighty-year-old mother-in-law took action, with a little help from a younger, more computer-literate friend, and met the love of her life through

6. They met their soulmates by taking the bold step to make adventure happen.

I see a lot of people falling into the trap of postponing fun and adventure until after they meet their soulmates, reasoning that then they’ll have someone to share the adventure with. I remember hearing the story of one man in particular who loved whales. He ï¬nally decided to take a kayak trip with a bunch of strangers so he could have the experience of seeing whales up close.

Well, he not only saw the whales, he ended up meeting his soulmate who just happened to be kayaking right next to him. I know several couples who met on trips to foreign lands where they never expected to ï¬nd romance. Vivian was from Boston; Mike was from Minneapolis. They met in Crete. Isn’t love grand?

Sometimes the act of taking a bold step or following your heart’s desire actually leads you to the doorstep of your beloved. For example, Gabrielle, a young woman I met in a marketing course I taught, had been passionate about learning Spanish since she was a teenager. She fantasized about meeting the perfect Latin lover who would patiently teach her to speak the language, then whisk her away for exotic vacations in Mexico.

When she shared this, I urged her not to wait, but rather to follow her passion for learning the language. Who knew where it might lead? Sure enough, I heard from Gabrielle a couple of years later. She enrolled in a Spanish class at a local community college, and there she met a new friend who ended up introducing her to the man who is now her ï¬ancé (and yes, he is Latin!).


The point of all these stories is that although you can’t control the exact day, place, and time your soulmate will appear, you can increase your odds signiï¬cantly by being actively involved in your own life. This often means pursuing interests that you’ve put on the back burner. Whatever you’ve been waiting for, this is the time to do it. If you love tennis but haven’t picked up a racquet in years, join a tennis club or sign up for some lessons. If you daydream about taking nature hikes with your beloved, go on a guided tour at a nearby state park, or make it a point to stop by the beach or other recreational area after work. If you’re an avid reader, join a book club.

Look at it this way: What’s the worst that could happen if you decide to start actively pursuing your interests and passions? You’ll probably end up making yourself happier, healthier, and more intellectually ï¬t. You will also most likely end up meeting some interesting people, and you’ll be broadcasting your unique tastes and preferences to the Universe even more clearly.

Now, does this mean you should ï¬ll every available hour in your appointment book with activities you hope will hasten the process of meeting your soulmate? Absolutely not! If you’re driven to go out every night by the fear that your beloved will never ï¬nd you if you stay home, you are missing the point. There is a huge difference between taking inspired action and taking compulsive action.

Inspired action, as I’m deï¬ning it here, is when you already feel lovable and enjoy your own company and are then guided to do something that will amplify the joy you are already experiencing. Compulsive action, on the other hand, comes from a place of loneliness, desperation, and fear.

Remember that the basic Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like.” When your actions are driven from a place of emptiness or lack of fulï¬llment, it’s quite possible you will only attract more of the same. Trust that things will work out. Take action when the signs are there to take action, and don’t feel pressured to act when the inspiration isn’t there. Sometimes love ï¬nds you when you make the choice to do nothing at all.