Anxiety and Alone
I'm a student from Holland studying abroad in South America, and I have a big problem in my marriage. I’ve been married for six months, and every time my husbands leaves the house I'm afraid he won't come back. I fear that something terrible is going to happen to him he'll die and I'll be left all alone. I know this is stupid and thinking bad things will attract bad things, but I can't let these thought go. I try but they come back every time. I’ve gained inspiration from your writings. I just can't put them into practice. Can you help me?
Answer:
There are many occasions when the line between a psychological issue and a spiritual one is blurred, and this is one. I think a lot of your anxiety comes from external circumstances that would affect most people. You are a new bride, you are living abroad, and you are under pressure in school. This makes you afraid to be left alone because just beneath the surface you believe that you are aloe already. What you fear isn’t your husband’s death, which you know is unrealistic. You are afraid of being overwhelmed, and that’s very realistic.
Adapting to your current realities should be your main focus. I hope your school has counseling available, because talking about your feelings and putting them into perspective is the first thing. You probably try to hide your anxiety, but that’s not productive. Talk to your husband about how you feel. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t see yourself as falling short of a spiritual ideal. Neither is true. You are a young woman who feels overwhelmed, and that can be fixed. By reducing some of the pressures and getting sympathetic help, you can reduce these fears.
The second possibility, which would be much less common, is that you have been suffering from anxiety in the past and this new situation exacerbated what was already there. If that’s the case, you might consider going on medication for your anxiety while at the same time seeking to alleviate the underlying issues. Medication won’t cure the problem, but it will open up a calmer space so that you can face reality without being so afraid of it. In spiritual terms, certain subtle energies are stuck inside you having to do with being lost and alone, abandoned by God. These energies are memories from the past, and for the moment they can’t find a way to escape because you are clamping down on them, becoming constricted through fear, guilt, and blame. Your “bad thoughts” as you consider them are actually expressions of energies trying to get your attention. This is quite natural, and in the long run you may find yourself grateful that you were shown how to grow beyond your old boundaries. The spiritual side should be faced head on for the sake of your personal evolution. But in this case I believe some psychological steps should be taken first.
Love,
Deepak
