Awkward at Love
Could you please explain how I can attract more potential love interests into my life. I feel awkward and shy when I am around a woman I find interesting and attractive. Yet, when I am with someone whom I don't find myself drawn to, I can easily engage in conversation. I suspect that I have talked myself into enjoying being alone, afraid that someone may upset the apple cart.
Interestingly enough, I was watching a move, " The Secret," in which a man who wanted more intimacy in his life had pictures in his home of women in a pose of turning away. When he changed this, he found love. In my bedroom I have several pictures of women by themselves with heads turned away or looking down. They look reflective, or in deep thought. It’s obvious to me that there is a deep fear stemming from abandonment and trust issues.
Answer:
I’m impressed that you have gained so much insight about your situation. Since you realize that there are personal issues at stake, overcoming them is the key. You feel easy with women who don’t attract you because they don’t make you feel self-conscious and vulnerable. On the other hand, women who interest you romantically do make you vulnerable; they bring up the possibility of exposing your insecurities, which means that the feelings you mentioned, mistrust and fear of abandonment, start to surface. They cast a shadow over your ability to act easy and natural because that’s not how you actually feel.
Changing the pictures in your house won’t be effective unless there is an underlying change in you. When that happens, you won’t need to look at reflections of a situation that you have moved past. Right now you haven’t moved past the obstacles that abandonment and mistrust represent. I cannot function as a therapist, but in general, once you have recognized the issue, it’s necessary to confront the stuck energy that needs to move. This energy is compounded of old emotions, habit, beliefs about the self, memories, and expectations. In other words, the energy is complex and calls for sensitive handling as well as firm intention.
The next step for you, I think, is to form an intention that you want to move past stuck emotions and memories. Don’t force yourself to try and break out of the present mold. Instead, start a personal journey. It may be that one of those "uninteresting" women is right for you, and that the "interesting" ones are fantasy images. Because you cannot attain them, they keep you inside your belief system and habits, which is where we are all most comfortable, even if we complain about being stuck. You will change by opening to the unknown, and to do that, intention is the best start.
Love,
Deepak
